iGoodbye (Alternate Horror Ending)
by FourHourShower
Summary: Spencer and Freddie's mom. Accidental live webcast. Carly's ruined. Freddie settles score. This is a very R-rated (and X-rated) Horror-Comedy alternate ending to the beloved iCarly series finale. Rated M for extremely coarse language, extremely graphic violence and explicit sexuality. This is strictly for readers over the age of 18. This will be bizarre.
1. Chapter 1

**Spencer and Freddie's mom. Accidental live webcast. Carly's ruined. Freddie settles score. This is a very R-rated (and X-rated) Horror-Comedy alternate ending to the beloved iCarly series finale, iGoodbye. Rated M for extremely coarse language, extremely graphic violence and explicit sexuality. This story is strictly for readers over the age of 18. This _will_ be bizarre.**

 **iCarly does not belong to me. It belongs 2 dat creep Dan Schneider.**

* * *

 **(Chapter 1)**

In the school hallways, by Carly Shay's locker.

SAM PUCKETT: "Hey Carly!"

CARLY SHAY: "Hey Sam. What's up?"

SAM: "Does your butt itch?"

CARLY: "What? No!... (suddenly curious) maybe, why?"

(laugh track)

SAM: "Look what I made in shop class."

From her knapsack, Sam pulls out a wodden board with a bunch of nails sticking out through them. Sam sticks the wooden board on the door of Carly's locker.

SAM: "It's a butt scratcher! Take your pants off."

CARLY: "What? No!...(suddenly curious) maybe, why?"

(laugh track)

Sam begins to rub Carly's body up against the butt scratcher mounted on the locker door.

CARLY (gradually relaxing): "Oh. Ohhh. Oh that's nice."

FREDDIE BENSON (walking into the scene): "A butt scratcher? She already made me try it."

Freddie turns around to show the seat of his pants ripped open, and his bare buttocks full of red, infected welts and scratches. (Viewers who look carefully will also spot a small tattoo on his butt that reads "Sam.")

(laugh track)

Freddie's cellphone rings. He awkwardly pulls out a huge tablet-sized cellphone out of his pocket.

Gibby walks by, pointing and laughing at Freddie's large mobile phone.

GIBBY: "Pfffhaa! A Samsun Gemini Max Pad? Look at this loser!"

Carly and Sam laugh out loud as Gibby and the girls walk off the scene, and Freddie is left standing there like an asshole.

(laugh track)

("In 5, 4, 3, 2..." "iGoodbye (Alternate Horror Ending")


	2. Chapter 2

**(Chapter 2)**

In Spencer Shay's apartment, Spencer is dancing naked around a motorcycle while some stupid amateur teenager California-rock music plays on the radio. Spencer grabs his flacid penis in his hand and shakes it triumphantly.

SPENCER: "Ah! YEAH! THAT'S my TOOL!"

Marissa Benson, Freddie Benson's mom, walks into the apartment. She gasps astonishedly when she sees Spencer's naked scrawny-ass body.

MRS. BENSON: "Oh God, I'm so sorry!" (covers her eyes with her hand)

Spencer covers his junk with a greasy rag.

SPENCER: "Oh, no. Mrs. Benson. _I'm_ so sorry. I really should have locked that door."

Freddie's mom, though shielding her eyes, still couldn't help her wandering eye from sneaking a slow, careful look at Spencer's body. Spencer couldn't help but notice that she did. Spencer smiles calmly.

SPENCER: "It's okay, Mrs. Benson. We're both adults. ... Sort of. (laugh track) And you and I by now both know the human body is nothing to be ashamed about."

MRS. BENSON: "Well. [ahem]. It _has_ been an awfully long time since I've last... _seen_ a man."

SPENCER: "Well, then. You can see _this_ man, if you want to."

Mrs. Benson stops covering her eyes, and cautiously walks towards naked Spencer. When she gets close enough, she places both her hands on Spencer's chest.

SPENCER: "OWWWWWWW!"

Mrs. Benson gasps and pulls away with a sudden shock

SPENCER: "Hahahaha! Just kidding! You're not _that_ rusty, Mrs. Benson."

MRS. BENSON (smiling devilishly): "Oh, you devilish and charming tease, you."

SPENCER (grabbing Mrs. Benson by the upper arms, pulling her in close to his body): "I would bet _you_ know a thing or two about...(bites his lip, looks Freddie's mom straight in her eyes) _teasing_."

Mrs. Benson feels Spencer's wazzer slowly poking into her belly with a slow, gradually increasing firmness.

MRS. BENSON: "Why, is that a throttle grip in your pants, or are you just happy to see me?"

SPENCER: "I'm not wearing any pants."

MRS. BENSON: "Oh right."

Spencer and Mrs. Benson kiss eachother passionately, rubbing their arms and hands all over eachother. Spencer gradually disrobes Freddie's mom. First her button-up sweater is peeled off, then her twelve dollar Marshall's top, then he undoes the belt of her mom jeans. The jeans fall towards her knees, exposing her pale thighs. Spencer grabs two full handfuls of full-butt-coverage Wow-Mart granny-panties, as Mrs. Benson kisses Spencer even harder, as she's groaning with delight.

(laugh track)

Naked Spencer leads Freddie's bra and panties-clad mom up stairs, through the glass soundproof door, and into the set of the iCarly webshow.

Mrs. Benson's elbow accidentally bumps a table, and Freddie's camera/laptop rig discretely turns on, live broadcasting everything about to happen on set worldwide on the iCarly website.

MRS. BENSON: (speaking in an over-the-top sultry southern-U.S. accent) "Why, I'm just that innocent lady from apartment 8-D. Whatever does a strapping young buck like _you_ see in a mature woman like _me_?"

SPENCER: "I see a gorgeous, flavor-starved milf who's just ordered herself the juicy T-Bone steak for dinner. Now, how's about we put some of that 8-D in that warm little humming V8 of yours?"

MRS. BENSON (excitedly): "You sick freak. Rip me apart, you monster!"

Cut to scenes of people watching live on their computer screens in shock. Mothers shielding their dog's eyes while their fathers still look on at their computer screens.

MRS. BENSON: "Spencer, I've always been too shy to try something. But, can you... oh what the devil is it called? Can you, I suppose... butter my buns?"

SPENCER (making a cringing face): "I think it's called the 'Rear Admiral' now."

MRS. BENSON: "Would you be so kind?"

SPENCER: "Okay... but I don't wanna hear my name becoming the 'butt' of any jokes, you hear me?"

Mrs. Benson laughs, guides Spencer's head downwards, and throws her head back with delight.

Cut to scenes of elderly grandfathers throwing up on their keyboards.

(laugh track)


	3. Chapter 3

**(Chapter 3)**

Carly walks in to the apartment, looking a bit glum and dejected. Spencer spots his little sister's emotions right away.

SPENCER: "Hey, kid. What's wrong? Why are you looking so sad?"

CARLY: "I just got a text from Dad. He says he won't be able to make the Father-Daughter Air Force Dance tonight."

SPENCER: "... Oh. Gosh, I'm sorry Carly. I know how much that dance means to you."

CARLY: "(sighs) That's okay."

SPENCER (suddenly cheering up): "Hey, you know what? Why don't _I_ take you to that dance instead? It'll be fun!"

CARLY (smiling): "Really? I would like that."

SPENCER: "Awesome! Let me get my tuxedo out of my costume chest!"

CARLY (laughing): "Okay. Let me head on upstairs. There's a couple of iCarly things I just wanna quickly take care of before I get ready."

Carly heads upstairs, smiling, opening the glass door into the iCarly attic/studio. Her smiling face gradually fades into confusion as she finds the computer monitor turned on and the audio visual equipment humming.

CARLY (to herself): "Hey, what's going on?"

On the computer screen, Carly sees that the silent, empty set has been live-streaming online for over four hours now.

CARLY (to herself): "We're live-streaming? How?"

Carly starts reading the live-chat messages that were left by her viewers.  
Carly's jaws and eyes open wide in shock.

Carly walks downstairs, her eyes and jaws still frozen wide open with terror.

CARLY: "ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod"

SPENCER (wearing a tuxedo, walking in to living room): "What? What is it now?"

Carly, still with her frozen face, slowly points up towards the stairs.  
Spencer's eyes start to look a litte worried.

CARLY: (very, _very_ quietly) "i'm ruined. i'm done. it's all _over_?"

SPENCER: "(to himself) Hmm... I thought I cleaned _everything_. (to Carly) Oh, come on. Most of those stains will wash right out."

CARLY: (very, _very_ quietly): "You... you turned my webcast into... into... Chat Toilette?"

SPENCER (knowingly): "Ooooooooo..."

(laugh track)

CARLY: (softly, gently) "The sponsors have already all pulled out of the show. I've never seen so much hate mail. Even the _trolls_ seemed genuinely upset."

(laugh track)

Carly looks away, and slowly walks away from Spencer.

SPENCER: "How can I fix this for y-"

CARLY (turning explosively): "YOU _CAN'T_ FIX THIS, SPENCER! This isn't something you can just glue back together haphazardly like one of your sculptures! It's not like my website was hacked! This is was done using _MY_ equipment on _MY_ set which _I'M_ responsible for. I thought _I_ was the child in this house. But looks like I can't have nice things without _you_ screwing it up! Apparently, Spencer Shay, I can't trust you for _ANYTHING!_ "

SPENCER: "You wanna know something, Carly?"

CARLY: "What?!"

SPENCER: "None of this would have happened if it weren't for you and your stupid friend's pointless web show to begin with. Why do you _still_ do the iCarly show anyway? Just a bunch of stupid pointless shit all the time!"

CARLY: "POINTLESS?! iCarly was my LIFE!"

SPENCER: "Yeah, pointless! It seemed like half the time you and Sam LITERALLY wrote the show while on the toilet."

CARLY: "How COULD you?"

SPENCER: "PHYSICS, Carly. It's called physics. I can- and I did because the laws of PHYSICS allows for it. Maybe you should take some science classes instead of all your liberal arts bullshit so you can GET IN TOUCH WITH REALITY!"

CARLY: " _I_ need to get in touch with reality?! Who's the bozo who drops out of a prestigious law school and puts himself and his baby sister in financial uncertainty? Say what you want about iCarly, but _I'm_ the only one who actually fucking works around here, even while juggling school full time! And if it wasn't for _me_ and _Freddie_ and _Sam_ keeping our corporate sponsors happy, then who the hell else would have supported your dumb ass while you make your stupid garbage sculputures?!"

SPENCER: (puts his hands to his chest, making an overly dramatic expression of shock, almost losing his balance.)

CARLY: "I HATE you! I hope somebody KILLS you!" (storms off to the bathroom)

SPENCER: "OH YEAH?! Well maybe I WANT somebody to kill me! Why not that psychopath delinquent best friend of yours Sam? Huh? Or maybe that fat retard Gibby! Sure! He wouldn't be held mentally responsible and the state will cover HIS ass! Or how about that spineless pussy Freddie Benson, eh? You think HE'LL have grown enough sack while shitting around in the A/V club all these years to stand up to ME? HA! Try me, dingus!"

(laugh track)

Carly shuts the bathroom door behind her, and sits on the floor, crying.

She fumbles for her Pear phone and calls Sam.

CARLY: "{ _gulp_ } Sam? Oh god, I need... _{loud sob}_ I need to see you. Please come over. I don't know what's going to happen to me. PLEASE HURRY!" (hangs up the phone and cries).

After a moment, Carly walks towards the bathroom sink, resting the palms of her hands on it. She gazes into her watery crying eyes and quivering chin in the bathroom mirror. She slowly slides open the bathroom mirror-cabinet and takes hold of a razor blade, admiring it through her watery eyes.


	4. Chapter 4

**(Chapter 4)**

Sam comes charging into Carly and Spencer's apartment in a frenzy.

SAM: "Where is she?! Where's Carly?!"

SPENCER (sitting at the kitchen, looking dejected): "In the bathroom."

Sam throws her school bag to the floor and barges into the bathroom and "Ho! Chiz!" is taken aback by what she sees. The floor and walls of the bathroom are painted dark red with blood. Sam finds Carly, her clothes completely soaked in her own blood, lying in the empty bathtub.

SAM: "Oh my god! What happened?!"

CARLY (slowly turning her head toward Sam): "(weakly) It's okay, Sam. It's gonna be alright."

Sam kneels down beside the bathtub. She is about to touch Carly, but pulls back in fear and uncertainty.

SAM: "Your WRISTS! What did you DO?! HOW?!"

CARLY: "We can't do iCarly anymore, Sam. Did you see?"

SAM: "See? See what?"

CARLY: (weakly) "Look at my phone."

Sam picks up Carly's blood-splattered PearPhone from the bathtub. She presses play on the loaded video. The video depicts Spencer and Freddie's mom having rough, slippery, sweat-soaked sex on the set of iCarly.

SAM: "WHOA! I don't know who to feel bad for more... you or _Freddie_!"

(laugh track)

CARLY (weakly): "Spencer accidentally turned on... (deep breath)... the cameras. It streamed online on iCarly. Live."

SAM: "What. The. FUCK?!"

Sam, in a brewing fit of rage, starts to hyperventilate, and starts stirring to stand up. Carly, weakly, grabs hold of Sam's sleeve. Sam freezes still.

CARLY: "No. Sam. Stay here with me. There's no point. I don't have any more time. I just want to be with you. I want you beside me one last time."

Sam falls back down onto her knees. She begins to cry inconsolably.

CARLY: "I'm sorry if I've acted selfishly. I just couldn't be able to face our fans anymore. Please tell Freddie to... maybe... if you guys want to try to apologize to our fans. For me."

SAM: " _{sniff}_...We will, Carly."

CARLY: "I love you, Sam."

SAM: (breaking down further) "I love you, Carly."

CARLY (weakly): "Hey look, Sam. My big toe is stuck in the faucet. Again."

Sam laughs bittersweetly, choking back tears.

CARLY: "Nyeeeea! Ungh. Oh no! Coffins! Sam, Please make sure I get cremated. You know I couldn't stand to be locked inside a tiny coffin."

SAM: "Okay, Carly. I'll make sure of it."

CARLY: (freaking out a little) "Nyeeeea! Nyeeee!"

Sam chuckles at the strange sounds Carly makes when she feels trapped.

Sam reaches towards Carly, placing one hand on her head and taking Carly's hand in the other.

Carly calms down, looking deeply into Sam's eyes. Gently smiling.

SAM: "I love you so much Carly. (crying) Thank you. For being my best friend."

Carly, looking into Sam's eyes, smiling a little more, lets go a little breathy giggle. Sam looks into Carly's silent, motionless eyes for a long minute.

Sam holds Carly's blood soaked body closely in her arms, hiding her sobs in Carly's shoudler.


	5. Chapter 5

**(Chapter 5)**

Back in the living room of the apartment...

SAM (carrying Carly's limp, bloody body in her arms): "Nice going, asshole. You killed your sister."

Spencer runs over to Carly's limp body, touches her face.

SPENCER: "What? Oh no, Carly, no! I'm so sorry."

SAM: "Sure you are."

Sam drops Carly's bloody body nonchalantly onto the floor. Sam walks over to the fridge.

SAM: "Hey, have you got any butter?"

SPENCER: "How could you POSSIBLY think about food at a time like this?"

Sam fishes through the fridge, pulls out a full brick of butter, pulls a sock off her foot and, yes, puts the butter in the sock.

SAM (quietly to herself): "Because somebody's about to have his last meal."

SPENCER (while tending to Carly): "What did you say, Sam?"

SAM (suddenly lucid, smiling) "Nothing!"

(laugh track) (cut to next scene)

* * *

At the mall, Gibby's head is stuck inside the Get-A-Head head replica booth. The mechanism is heating up fast and Gibby's facial skin is beginning to melt.

GIBBY: "AARRGGH! FREDDIE! GET ME THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!"

FREDDIE: "What's that Gibby? I can't hear you. I'm on my Samsun Gemini Max Pad. Why, what beautiful clear reception I hear from the other end."

GIBBY: "HOLY MOTHER OF GOD! GET ME OUT OF HERE! GET ME OUT!"

FREDDIE: "Shouldn't have made fun of my Samsun Gemini Max Pad, asshole. Hahaha. ... Wait a minute, what's THIS?"

Freddie scrolls through his giant cellphone.

FREDDIE: "Why is iCarly trending world wide? OH... (barfs in his own mouth a little bit)... OH MY GOD! ¡ _Maldito pedazo de mierda!_ I'm gonna kill him!"

Freddie barfs violently on the floor, calmly wipes his chin with the back of his hand, and then slowly walks away with a glazed look in his eyes.

GIBBY (still trapped in the machine): "Wait. Freddie? Why do you sometimes say things in Spanish? Freddie? You there?"

(laugh track)

* * *

Back at the Shay Apartment. Spencer is kneeling by Carly. Sam is slowly walking towards Spencer from behind, her Buttersock in hand.

SAM: "Spencer?"  
SPENCER: "Yeah, Sam?"  
SAM: "AAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHH!"

Sam charges at Spencer while twirling the Buttersock over her head.

SPENCER: "HO! WHOAH!"

Spencer starts hopping and skipping backwards, his hands up in defence, as Sam follows him around the apartment in a circle.

SPENCER: "Sam, I can explain!"  
SAM: "Then EXPLAIN!"

SPENCER: "It was Freddie's mom's idea to head up into the studio! We didn't do it on purpose. We didn't know the cameras were on. We'd _never_ do anything to hurt you!"

Sam swings Buttersock, narrowly missing Spencer's head as he pivots away in the nick of time.

SPENCER: "I don't know why Carly over-reacted the way she did! I'm sure there's a way we can fix this!"

Sam swings again. Spencer again pivots defensively away.

SAM (foaming at the mouth): "HAAAAAHH!"

Sam stands over the schoolbag she had left on the floor. Trying to keep her eyes on Spencer, Sam carefully squats down for the schoolbag. She tries to retrieve the wooden board she stuck a bunch of sharp nails through earlier in shop class. But it's proving to be a bit more difficult to pull out of the bag than she thought.

Spencer sees Sam take her eyes off him for a split second and he senses his opportunity. He charges at Sam, his knee knocking Sam onto her butt. She lets go of the schoolbag, and the Shop Class ButtScratcher tumbles out of the bag, spikes up, away from her reach.

SPENCER: "Uhhhh... what the hell is that?"  
SAM: "It's a BUTT-scratcher! Don't worry. You'll try it soon enough."

(laugh track)

Sam bounces to her feet, jumps up into Spencer's arms, wrapping her legs around his waist. She squeezes his nose, twisting it hard until he gets a nosebleed.

SPENCER: (comically) "Ow Ow Ow Ow Ow"

(laugh track)

Spencer runs around the room screaming in pain, carrying Sam with him. He tries slamming her back into the walls repeatedly but she won't let go of her grip.

SAM: "Who do you think I am, you pervert, Freddie's _mom?!_ "  
SPENCER: "Not in a million years you little dirt bag!"

In a last ditch effort, Spencer takes a plunge downward and drives Sam's body right through the little coffee table, knocking loose Sam's death-grip while smashing the table flat.

Both Spencer and Sam groggily stand up. They face eachother, with their fists up, ready for the fight.

Sam fearlessly, but foolishly, runs right towards Spencer. Spencer bends his shoulder down, and pro-wrestling-style back body drops Sam- right onto her own shop-class back scratcher.

SAM: "YYAAAAAARRRGGGGGHHHHH!"

Sam slowly, awkwardly tries to get back up to her feet. The sharp back scratcher board lodged squarely into her back like a wooden shell. Blood is dripping down behind her butt.

Spencer twirls the Buttersock around and around in his hands, waiting for Sam, with her new wooden shell, to slowly hobble into range.

SPENCER: "Hope you do... DAIRY!"

Spencer whacks the twirling Buttersock across Sam's face, knocking her the fuck out.

Spencer drags Sam's unconscious body across the floor, towards the motorcycle. He lies her face down, adjusts her head, opening her mouth. He pushes Sam's head in until Sam fully fellates the '64 Sterling motorcycle's exhaust pipe.

SPENCER: "I was gonna give this chopper to you anway. So... ENJOY!"

Spencer cranks the bike's throttle grips, as the exhaust pipe pops and sputters directly into Sam's mouth. Black smoke starts billowing out of Sam's nostrils, around her lodged-in back-scratcher, and comically out of her pants.

(laugh track)

SPENCER: "Well, after all these years, it's good to see those kindergarten karate lessons I took _finally_ come in handy."

(laugh track) (cut scene)

* * *

Back at the mall, Gibby's head is still stuck inside the Get-A-Head duplicator machine. The unit has now caught on fire. The skin on Gibby's head and face is permanently gone and all is left is a black charred skull.

GIBBY'S SKULL: "GIBBY!"

Sparks fly off the machine and it lights the GET-A-HEAD booth-owner's pet weasel on fire. The flaming weasel jumps out of its cage and darts straight into Gibby's pants.

GIBBY'S SKULL: "GIBBY!"

(laugh track) (cut scene)


	6. Chapter 6

**(Chapter 6)**

At Spencer's apartment, there are two quick knocks at the door.

SPENCER: "Who's there?"

FREDDIE: "In five, four, three, two..."

SPENCER: "In five, four, three, two... who?"

(laugh track)

FREDDIE: "In five, four, three, two... you're dead!"

SPENCER: "Oh SHIT!"

The door is kicked open, and Freddie Benson walks in with a machete.

Spencer fumbles about in the kitchen and picks up a curly straw.

SPENCER: "AWWW FUCKING SHIT SHIT FUCKING SHIT!"

FREDDIE: "You had sex with my MOTHER?!"

Spencer, looking horrified, his jaw locked open, silently nods his head.

FREDDIE: "... in her ASS?!"

SPENCER: "(timidly) Y... yeah... (suddenly serious) Hey, you know what? Calm down there, Norman Bates. Your mom is an adult woman with her own life to live. Why does it matter to you so much who has sex with her anyway?... in her ass?"

FREDDIE: "Because she's MY mom! Not YOURS! She's MINE! Okay?!"

SPENCER: "Oohhhh..kayyyy... that's awwkwarrrrd."

Freddie for the first time glances about the room. He sees Sam and Carly's lifeless bodies lying on the floor.

FREDDIE: "You KILLED my BEST FRIENDS?!"

SPENCER (quietly, hesitatingly): "...To be fair, Carly kinda killed herself, technically."

FREDDIE: "ENOUGH! I've HAD it with your goofy, Jack Tripper BULLSHIT!"

Freddie takes a wide swing with the machete, grazing Spencer's finger.

Spencer holds up his slightly cut finger with horror on his face,

SPENCER: "aaaaaAAAAAAAAAWWWWWW!"

and Spencer starts running around as the tiny cut on his finger squirts massive amounts of blood all over the apartment's ceiling, walls and furnishings.

Spencer eventually falls on his back, on top of Carly's body.

Freddie, holding his machete with a double-handed overhand grip, charges at Spencer. Spencer rolls out of the way, and Freddie accidentally brings the blade down hard on to Carly's lifeless body.

FREDDIE: "What? Oh no, Carly, no! I'm so sorry."

SPENCER: "Hey buttplug! Don't steal my lines!"

Spencer tackles Freddie from behind, giving Freddie a headlock with a noogie.

FREDDIE (grimacing, choking under the headlock noogie): "You're... the... buttplug... sodomite!"

Freddie and Spencer wrestle towards the kitchen. Freddie escapes the headlock and puts Spencer in a headlock of his own. Spencer, while stuck in the headlock and groaning in pain, comically reaches for a frying pan, places it on the stove-top, grabs the Buttersock, places Buttersock on to the frying pan, turns on the stove-top knob, bending down a bit to check the size of the flame.

(laugh track)

Spencer escapes the headlock. Spencer reaches into a cabinet drawer and pulls out a chef's knife.

SPENCER: "A-HA!"

Freddie picks up the cooking Buttersock off of the frying pan.

FREDDIE: "This one's for Sam!"

Freddie strikes Spencer in the face with the Buttersock. Instead of a hard thud, there's a squishy _{splash}_ and the sound of sizzling as the wet, piping-hot melted Buttersock sticks to Spencer's face, quickly bubbling and smoking. Spencer drops the knife in the shock of his pain.

SPENCER: "Yeeeeaaaaoooowww!"

FREDDIE (sniffing the air): "Mmm... Smells just like the movies."

(laugh track)

Freddie grabs Spencer by his stupid hair and slams his head against the elevator door. Spencer collapses in a heap to the floor. Freddie, taking off his shirt and revealing his sweaty work-in-progress boy-muscles, slides the elevator doors open. The elevator is not there. Freddie looks up the elevator shaft, and sees the bottom of the lift a few floors above.

As Spencer lies on the floor, Freddie guides Spencer's barely-conscious head through the open door of the empty elevator shaft.

FREDDIE: "Enjoy it. This'll be the last time you'll EVER get to 'go down'."

Freddie hits the button calling the elevator back down to apartment 8-C.

The elevator descends quickly, crashing down on Spencer's neck, instantly decapitating him.

Freddie, panting heavily, pulls up Spencer's headless body by its arms, dragging it unceremoniously to near the center of the room, leaving it with its butt sticking up.

FREDDIE: "And this? This one's for Carly."

Freddie pulls down Spencer's pants, picks up Spencer's Camera-Squirrel sculpture, and forcefully jams it into Spencer's butthole. After a couple of seconds, the Camera-Squirrel randomly catches on fire.

(laugh track)

Shirtless Freddie Benson, panting and sweating, looks at the scene of the sanguinary massacre all around him. He walks over to Sam, still lying down with her mouth around the exhaust pipe. He kisses her head and closes her eyes with his hand.

Freddie walks over to Carly's body. Freddie starts to cry like a pussy. He pulls his machete out of Carly's torso. He kneels down beside her, kisses her lips, and shuts her eyes with his hand.

Freddie Benson slowly walks towards the center of the apartment, the light extinguished from his eyes, machete in hand.

Freddie Benson stands alone, in frozen silence. Blood and bodies everywhere.

FREDDIE: "And... we're clear."

Freddie stabs himself with his machete, dying instantly. He falls face first on to the floor with a thud as the machete completely pops right up out of his back and falls to the floor to his side. His broken, but still beating heart impaled on the blade.

Carly's dad walks in through the door.

CARLY'S DAD: "...Not even me?"

Carly's dad looks around at the apartment from the doorway, seeing dead bodies and blood splattered everywhere.

CARLY'S DAD: "What the FUCK happened HERE?"

(laugh track)

THE END.

THERE WILL BE _NO_ SPINOFFS!

* * *

( **commercial** : "You've just seen iCarly say goodbye, but now you can own a piece of iCarly history! Twelve blood-drenched pieces from the iCarly set will be given away! Spencer's blood-stained Bottle-Bot Sculpture! Blood-soaked ice cream bench! Carly's half-eaten gummy-light chandelier! Go to iCarly . com now for your chance to win!)


End file.
